5 Steps to healing the hurt of infidelity
There are not many things you'll experience in life as painful as your partner cheating on you. There are ways to deal with the pain of infidelity if you choose to forgive it. Right now, the pain you're feeling is probably overwhelming. Believe it or not, there advantages to forgiving someone who's cheated on you, even though forgiveness might not seem to make much sense right now. There are many good reasons for you to take this extraordinary step, but the most important should be that you're doing it for yourself. There are so many ways that forgiving him and rebuilding the relationship will benefit you as well. Forgiving infidelity, though, is something that you do only once with a boyfriend - make it clear that there are no third chances. If he's cheated before, and has now cheated again, you know he's going to do it again. Get on with your life without him. If he seems remorseful and seeks your forgiveness, and wants to rebuild the relationship, then try the following steps:
Healing Infidelity Tip #1
The first step is to discuss his cheating with him. No matter hard it is for you, it's going to be hard on him as well, because he's going to have to explain why he couldn't be faithful. He'll be admitting that he's weak. But it's a critical conversation to have if you're to find out why he cheated. Perhaps he thought that your feelings for him had cooled down, or maybe he just had a crisis of self-confidence. When he gives his account of his actions, don't be judgemental and accusing. If he's sincere, he feels bad enough now, and you probably can't say anything to him he hasn't said himself. You'll be able to judge the depth of his sincerity and remorse during this conversation, which is the other reason you can't skip it.
Healing Infidelity Tip #2
The second step is to let it all out. It's time like this that you feel all sorts of emotions and feelings churning away inside you. You need to let your emotions out, but don't do it in a harmful way. Drugs and alcohol, for instance, are far more likely to harm you than let you deal with your emotions. There are all sorts of ways to express those emotions, though, without risking your physical or mental health in the process. An excellent outlet is to write in a journal. Another approach is to adopt a regular workout routine. The point is, though, that you've got to do something to get those emotions out of you - you've got to purge them. Even crying is a good option - as long as you let go of them. You must be healed yourself if you're going to heal your relationship.
Healing Infidelity Tip #3
The third step is making the actual choice to forgive him for betraying you. At this point, if you haven't really forgiven him, there's no point in being in a relationship with your boyfriend. It's time to put the past behind you. You made your choice, now forgive him. The strength to forgive him won't come from your mind, but from your heart.
Healing Infidelity Tip #4
The fourth step is to make an appointment with a counsellor or other mental health professional. You both need some professional-level help and support in your relationship. The only alternative is to talk to a trusted friend who's had first-hand experience in what you're going through. As with all things worth having, this will take some work. One crucial point is to listen to what he has to say and don't accuse. Don't waste your time, or your friend's by pointing fingers or being judgemental. The relationship won't be saved by either of you, or both of you, working alone. It can only be restored if you work together.
Healing Infidelity Tip #5
The fifth and final step is to realise, deep in your heart, that this terrible thing happened, but it's over now, and you're ready to move on. The kind of pain caused by infidelity can be massive. It takes time to heal with both of you working on it. Betrayal's pain doesn't get healed overnight, so don't expect that. It's generally take you longer to heal, since you were the one who was hurt. The healing will come faster, though, if you look forward instead of backward.
For the sake of your relationship, I certainly hope that the steps I've outlined here can help you heal the pain of infidelity. As they say, sometimes bad things happen to good people. When we encounter such bad situations, what's most important is how we lean and grow from them.
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